But learning to make the effort, the gesture, represents good intention and love — just a different kind.
If you want to build more romance into your ASP/NT marriage so that both partners feel loved, you have to be willing to openly and frankly talk about what you need.
A great deal of our learning comes from television and movies, which are two-dimensional at best.
When “happily ever after” doesn’t happen, we stop trying and settle into a routine of love and sex that can grow dull and tedious, or we bail out of the relationship.
I see things from an entirely different perspective to him, which allows us to challenge one another and learn alternative ideas and thinking.
We contrast, but then we fit perfectly together as two pieces of a jigsaw slotting into place.
What are some things you can do to smooth the way to romance? One Aspie husband explained it to me like this: “I just can’t say or do the first thing that pops into my mind. It’s like I need a ‘politeness checker’ running in the back of my mind to remind me to be a gentleman.” This marriage was strengthened when he and his wife wrote down rules about appropriate engagement in a notebook.
He keeps it with him and refers to it frequently for guidance. The Asperger romance rules might include: Aspies may not understand why something is important to their loved one.
Also bear in mind, you will probably never understand how their brain ticks.
Most individuals are hardwired to achieve a mutually satisfying solution because they can step into another’s shoes. They can’t read their partner’s signals — they have mind-blindness. Aspies don’t comprehend the meaning of the traditional gestures of love and romance.
They don’t set out to hurt their love by withholding affectionate words and actions.
We also unconsciously seek mates who have qualities we lack.
Those with Asperger Syndrome are attracted to a strong, compassionate NT who can handle the social world for them.
The NT is attracted to the unconventional nature and childlike charm of the AS adult.