Choosing others dating and mate selection

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Familiarity creates the illusion of safety and breeds anticipation of mutuality and respect.

Regretfully, these assumptions [...] Many people report great physical and emotional pain after a partner leaves.

This was demonstrated in a study by researcher Mark Snyder and colleagues when they randomly assigned fifty-one male undergraduates to look at one of eight photographs of female undergraduates (four of which had been rated as attractive and four of which had been rated as unattractive by other men previously) and asked them for their initial impressions.

When blinded observers then evaluated tape recordings of the conversations, they found that the men who spoke with women they thought were attractive (and who they therefore expected to be warm) were warmer in conversation than the men who spoke with women they thought were unattractive (who they therefore expected not to be warm), confirming that the expectations the men had of the women affected their own behavior.

One essential bonding element between couples is their initial mutual physical attraction to one another.

The uniqueness of their matched draw signifies to many pairs that they have been intended to be coupled and that their [...] Many couples who come for therapy to improve their relationship subsequent to frequent fights, arguments and mutual frustrations wish that the therapist will side with their individual view and guide their mate in becoming more agreeable [...] The delineation between being bonded and autonomous in a committed love relationship is often confusing for some couples.

Or, at least, the of each quality we want is different.

To play into stereotypes for just a minute, maybe a woman's physical beauty is so great we find ourselves completely ignoring that she never finished high school even though we thought we wanted a professional.

Further, other research suggests that when we make our behavior conform to another person’s expectations, we tend to internalize those expectations, which makes us more likely to repeat that behavior in the future.

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