•Men with traits stereotyped as “feminine” make better husbands.
When I’m in China, I tend to turn a lot of heads, especially in the countryside — and that’s not just because I’m a foreigner.
I’ve been getting into it recently with some readers who have a slightly different take on when people should get engaged. One reader on my Facebook page wrote: “When a man’s in love he wants to propose as soon as he can.” Needless to say, I disagree with that. If you expect your marriage to be otherwise, you’ve got a big surprise waiting for you.
There are MANY men who propose as soon as they can when they’re in love. In it, Professor Ted Huston studies 168 couples for ten years. “Researchers saw some typical changes that take place in all marriages during the first couple of years: fewer overt displays of affection; less sex; and fewer leisure activities together, as the relationship evolves from a romantic, recreational relationship to something like a working partnership.” This is all normal and predictable, says the married dating coach.
If a couple is still finding lots of reasons not to marry after four or more years, then that’s usually because they’re subconsciously picking up on problems or even thinking that they themselves aren’t suitable for marriage, ever.” Makes perfect sense to me.
Which is why I’m going to double down on my theory that you shouldn’t get engaged before at least two years (like most couples already do) and you shouldn’t marry when you’re caught up in those giddy feelings.
(The average length of courtships in the study was two years, four months)…Speed can become a problem when it is driven by romance and fantasy because, unless one is extraordinarily lucky, the suitors discover that the partner was not as lovely as they had imagined.