The biggest challenge associated with getting back out there in the dating world typically has more to do with self-confidence than anything else. Before entering the dating world it’s often really helpful to set some goals. We’ve all lived long enough to know that having expectations of how people will act towards us and how we “should be” tend to be an excellent predictor of disappointment. Barbara founded The Odyssey Group in 2005 in order to use her skills as an executive and life transition coach for adults, midlife and better.
I like to encourage people to get into “game shape” for the dating experience. In addition to looking better on the outside, you’ll be taking care of yourself on the inside too. It’s no wonder many dates end on that note or something close to it. What I don’t advise is to go to that first date with hopes like: “This might be the one: he sounds perfect on paper and my friends say we are perfect for one another—I hope I don’t screw this up! This scavenger hunt of information can even be shared with a date. “My passion is working with people for whom the primary tasks of middle adulthood have been complete. Relationships have stayed the course, dissolved, or are on the horizon.
My preparation secrets: Step 1: Nail down the fundamental qualities you are looking for in a partner, and the rest will fall into place.
There seems to be two types of people when it comes to dating in midlife: those who are the proverbial kid having fun while looking for the pony in the pile of …well you know what, and those who consider it a necessary evil to be avoided, sometimes at all costs.
Still, the thought of being intimate with a new man is terrifying for a lot of prime-time women (age 40-plus)—myself included.
Not long ago, I confessed to friends that the thought of being intimate again sent me into a mild panic.
Know thyself…and get a quick read of others Did you know that you can tell a lot about a person if you know what section of the newspaper (for those of us who still read our papers rather than the online version) he or she picks up first?
I should have known what I was in for when my soon-to-be husband consistently reached for two sections—sports and travel. As for me, well I guess I’m what you might call a “closeted romantic”: people are always shocked to learn that the first section I reach for in Sunday’s NY Times is always and invariably the wedding and engagement announcement section.
Let’s face it, sex is like riding a bike: You always remember how to do it!
I started to accept dinner invitations from single men (all nice gentlemen) introduced to me by friends.
I felt I had “everything to gain, nothing to lose.” Knowing that every single one wanted to meet a second time gave me a new confidence that I hadn’t known was missing.
* While the tendency is for men to look for women of a significantly younger vintage, there are plenty of men who are looking for someone around their own age. Recognize that dating is just one aspect of your life.
In fact, there are a growing number (in my anecdotal study) of couples where the women are a few years older than her lover. As I read about what brought these couples together, it is almost always based on mutual interests and a deeply held sense of knowing “this is the one.” So perhaps the first question you ask a potential date might be: what section of the paper do you read first? Imagine for a moment that your life is made up of a portfolio of activities.
Much like a financial portfolio, think about how you invest your time now; then reconsider how much time and energy you actually want to invest in each area of your life.