But, as I’ve now witnessed, you can fall in love with someone and grieve someone else at the same time.
“I would never have known that that was true until I experienced it,” says John.
It has meant so much to our family over these difficult years. An essay by John after Nina’s death, and Lucy’s advice on how to write a condolence note.
The Washington Post wrote a wonderful article today, as well, if you’d like to read more.
I can let go of a lot of things: plans, friends, career goals, places in the world I want to see, maybe even the love of my life.I also kept a diary while they were still together inside me, telling them about places we’d been together.I wanted Ezra to know that good things happened in my pregnancy (I imagined him one day saying, ‘What did we do when I was in your tummy? Oscar died on 10 August 2006 – Simon watched the monitor as Oscar’s heart slowly stopped beating, but I couldn’t bear to look. It was so clinical, yet all we could think about was the emotional meltdown of everything that mattered to us.I worried that he’d feel lonely and bereft, knowing that he should have had a brother.I tried to do everything I could to collate information and joint experiences for him, such as playing the piano for them because I thought that hearing classical music in the womb would help them to feel calm and contented.“You look cozy,” Toby said the first evening, as he sat next to John. When I asked John the same question, he rattled things off: “I like her glasses. Even when we were first emailing, we already had inside jokes.” The only catch? “The only one she likes is So I Married an Ax Murderer.