‘Each year, about 600 families with twins, triplets or other multiples lose one or more of their babies in a variety of ways, either before or shortly after the birth,’ says Carol Clay, who runs the support groups and Twinline at Tamba (Twins and Multiple Births Association).
‘So an enormous number of people are left facing this unique, bittersweet experience of mourning death and celebrating life at the same time.’ It’s for this reason that HFEA (the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority) is asking clinics to try to reduce the numbers of multiple births.
After the shocking news, he struggled with how best to spend his remaining time, however long that might be: Should he continue his job as a neurosurgeon, write a book, or try for a baby? Less than two years later — on March 9, 2015, just shy of his 38th birthday — Paul died peacefully, surrounded by loved ones, including Lucy, his parents and his brothers.As I came round from the general anaesthetic, I was told that Ezra, tiny at three pounds, had been taken to the neonatal intensive care unit.The nurses brought me Oscar, wrapped in the quilt I’d made him, and we lay there together.Its policy is currently just advice, but it could eventually be made law.Despite the risks, most mothers – including me – opt to have two embryos implanted (three are allowed over the age of 40) because they want to increase the chances of success in expensive IVF cycles (each of our four rounds cost £10,000).When I asked Lucy what she liked about John, she insisted that making a list was impossible. Favorite photos are hung around the house (Cady’s bedside table is covered in snapshots of her doting father), and their names come up in conversation all the time. Nina was John’s wife and his children’s mother; she’s part of him. It feels good and natural to talk about them.” After all, discussing the loss of their spouses is how their relationship began. You want to keep them present for yourself and your kids,” says John.